Shadow of the Day
by GeekBastard23
Summary: When Gibbs returns from a long boat trip, things seem to have changed forever. Tony/Gibbs slash and spoilers for the S12 finale.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Wish it did, things could be better.  
This will be a fic on the shorter side, maybe three of four chapters.  
Tibbs as usual, no surprise there.  
Have fun ;-)_

* * *

 _ **Shadow of the Day**_

Tony wiped away the sweat from his forehead. He was slowly getting uncomfortable in the late August heat and he had long realized that wearing jeans hadn't been the best idea he ever had. He stood up from where he was sitting on Gibbs' patio which led into the garden behind the house and got himself another beer, hoping that it would cool him down somewhat. He watched McGee talk to Breena, while Jimmy was goofing off with his two year old daughter. To his left, Ellie was sitting on a wooden bench that for some reason stood in the middle of the garden, next to Jake and Ducky, talking animatedly with her hands while the two men smiled broadly at her.

It was weird. It was like the last year hadn't happened. It was as if Dorney hadn't died, Ducky hadn't suffered another mild heart attack or as if Gibbs hadn't quit his job over a year ago and hadn't spent the last 12 months onboard one of his homemade boats. It just seemed so normal – and still it was everything but.

Almost involuntarily Tony's glance went to his former boss who was standing by the barbecue, watching the meat for their burgers as if his life depended on it. He had thinned a bit, but his shoulders were as broad as ever and while his limp had worsened ever since Luke had shot him that fateful day in May, he didn't seem too affected by it. It was Gibbs after all. Bad guys – even kids – could bend him, but he wouldn't break – not that easily at least.

Part of Tony knew though that Gibbs had always been broken, probably even before Shannon and Kelly had been killed, but Luke had been the final straw and everybody knew it. They had chased the bosses of 'The Calling' until they had found everyone and everything that was even remotely connected to the case and cause and while it had seemed like Gibbs had long been back to normal when they had finished, he hadn't been. Tony had watched him getting paler almost daily, had seen the struggle in his eyes and had seen the lines on the older man's face getting deeper almost by the hour.

It had still surprised him when Gibbs had come to him after packing up one day at the office, asking, actually asking, him if he'd be alright with the team lead. Tony had just nodded, so Gibbs had done the same and had then left the office as if nothing monumental had just happened.

Tony let out a sigh and then took a big gulp from his beer, still watching Gibbs. So much had changed over the last year, but he still felt so much respect and care for the other man that it almost hurt to even think about it sometimes.

Tony shook his head and then was about to return to his seat on the patio as Gibbs turned around to look at him. Their glances met and Tony felt an almost forgotten pang somewhere in his stomach. While he had been at Gibbs' place for almost two hours, he hadn't been alone with the man for a second, in fact they had barely said two words to each other and while Tony knew that he'd stay longer than the others – he always had after all – it still felt good to know that Gibbs was just… there.

The older man was now walking towards him, forgetting about the burgers for a moment.

"You okay?" he asked when he sat down next to Tony on one of the chairs.

"Yeah, why shouldn't I be?" Tony checked back, furrowing a brow.

Gibbs just shrugged, fixing his glance at little Victoria who was currently begging Ducky to let her sit in his lap. "You look uncomfortable."

"Just hot," replied Tony, wiping at his forehead again as if to prove his point.

"You wanna change? Got some shorts upstairs."

With that and a quick squeeze of his shoulder, Gibbs made his way back to the barbecue, leaving Tony sitting there staring after him. He could still feel the older man's hand on his shoulder and while he shouldn't feel like that at all, Tony couldn't help but realize that he had missed it – had missed Gibbs even after everything that had happened: Luke, 'The Calling' and that night after the older man had quit NCIS.

Sighing once more, Tony got up again, placed his beer on the table next to him and then slowly made his way up towards the older man's bedroom. He hadn't been in the house in over a year. Hell, Gibbs hadn't been in there in just as long, except for last night and this morning before Tony and the others had shown up, but it still smelled like him, still smelled like Tony remembered it, still held the faint scent of sawdust and coffee. He jogged up the last of the stairs and then turned right, internally bracing himself to enter the bedroom. He opened the door and if he had expected something special to happen, he was disappointed.

There it still was – the stoic bedroom only consisting of a wooden bed and wardrobe. Gibbs had obviously slept in here tonight, at least judging from the still unmade bed. Tony subtly shook his head. Maybe things really had changed. Didn't Gibbs use to sleep downstairs on his couch?

Turning around, Tony single-mindedly walked over to the wardrobe, opened it and then picked the first shorts that came into his view. He quickly changed out of his jeans and into Gibbs' pants, slightly startled when he realized that they fit him like a glove. It seemed like a lot of things that had to do with Gibbs just seemed to fit, but still they weren't Tony's to take. Gulping, Tony threw his jeans over a chair that stood in the corner of the room and was about to go back outside when his glance reached the nightstand.

Still staring at it and not believing his eyes, he walked over towards it, picking up the wrapper that lay there behind the alarm clock. Tony felt his heart sink. He had seen this particular kind of wrapper a couple of times too many, but he hadn't expected to see it in Gibbs' bedroom, especially when he had only come home the night before. Almost disgusted, Tony picked it up and turned it around in his hand, looking at the name of Gibbs' preferred condom brand.

 _Had all of it really meant nothing?_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thanks for all your reviews! :-)_

* * *

Chapter Two

Tony looked around for a moment, trying to detect anything else that might be suspicious beside the empty condom wrapper but came up empty. Nothing indicated that somebody had spent the night with Gibbs. The room didn't smell like sex either, but the windows were open and it was already afternoon after all. Tony felt something rise up inside of him and he couldn't even identify what it was. He suppressed it quickly. He wouldn't let himself think like that. It would just be wasted energy and thoughts.

He threw the wrapper back to where he had found it and then left the room, desperately trying to look like nothing had just happened. He went outside again, fixing his glance at Palmer's daughter who was just running towards him. He picked her up, pressing a fleeting kiss on her cheek, idly wondering when he had gotten so attached to the small version of the autopsy gremlin.

"Play with me?" she inquired, her arms coming around his neck.

"Okay," he smiled at her before he put her down again and then followed her.

He sat down next to her and immediately got the order to move the small green tractor toy. He did her the favor, making the appropriate noises as he moved the toy across the grass. He only looked up when he heard McGee chuckle ever so slightly behind him.

"You go Victoria," the younger man said. "Get the boss all dirty."

Victoria squealed and then threw a handful of grass towards Tony, who returned the gesture in an instant. It was still weird being called 'boss' by anyone, especially McGee, but he was slowly getting used to it.

He was the boss after all and while he still vividly remembered the time Tim and Ziva had given him shit about it all these years ago, there hadn't been any problems this time around. Ellie and McGee had been supportive from the get-go. There were a team after all and while it had taken some time to get used to lacking Gibbs there every day, it had gotten easier and more natural with every passing day. Tony still missed having Gibbs as a sounding board from time to time, but maybe he'd get that back now that the older man was back in DC again. He hadn't told any of them what his plan for the future was, but Tony knew that he, himself, would love to have him back here – even if he'd only see him on days like this one.

"Stop it, Victoria," Palmer chided her as she threw another handful of grass towards Tony who just laughed at her.

Palmer, though, trying to prove a point, Tony guessed, picked her up and then walked her away from him. Tony watched them for a moment before his attention was drawn to the last guest only now arriving at Gibbs' place.

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" Abby cried out before she ran towards her former boss who was still busy with the barbecue.

"Hi Abbs," he said as he let himself get hugged the life out of him.

Abby's next words were muffled as she spoke into Gibbs' shoulder, so Tony couldn't make them out, but Gibbs' lips formed a soft smile, one that Tony hadn't realized he missed. He watched them and not for the first time felt a pang of jealousy rise inside of him at the easy way Abby talked to the older man.

"Burgers are ready," Gibbs then announced, thankfully raising Tony from his thoughts.

They all stood up from where they had been sitting and gathered around the grill. One by one, Gibbs handed out the burgers and the others went to sit around the big wooden table on the patio. Tony waited 'till the other cleared out before he got himself the food.

"Thanks," he mumbled as Gibbs placed the burger on his plate.

"You sure you're okay?" Gibbs repeated his question from earlier as he looked at him, but Tony refused to make eye contact.

"Yeah, peachy," Tony replied, realizing that it had sounded more sarcastic than he had intended.

"Clearly," Gibbs answered in the same way as he gave him another look, but Tony still didn't look at him, so he walked around him, gripping his own plate and then sat down on the table with the others.

Tony followed him, sighing as he realized that the only empty seat was right next to his old boss. He sat down and started eating, letting the conversation wash over him. He didn't really listen, just pretended to be busy eating his food, while he didn't really care for it at the same time. He could have eaten a plastic bag and he wouldn't have noticed.

Damn it, it should have been a good day. Gibbs was finally back, Tony finally had his whole family around him and yet he suddenly felt so angry and sad that he could barely enjoy the company of his friends. He knew he was being stupid, it was none of his business what Gibbs was doing in his spare time, and yet it irked him in the completely wrong way.

Gibbs' knee brushed against his own as the older man leaned over to get himself more sauce for his burger and Tony suddenly felt even hotter than before. He felt electricity sizzle through his nerve endings where Gibbs' knee touched his and he felt his heart pick up pace. Goddamn, he was over forty, this wasn't still supposed to happen, was it? Gibbs didn't seem to have the same kind of problem as he settled back into his seat, picking up his eating, while he was still casually touching Tony like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Tony hadn't realized he had been staring at Gibbs this whole time. Therefore he was slightly startled when the older man suddenly turned towards him, unguardedly staring at him. The younger man gulped audibly as he remembered the last time Gibbs had looked at him like that.

##

" _And I can't change your mind about going on that boat trip of yours?" Tony asked, taking yet another sip from his beer._

" _Nope," Gibbs just answered, giving him a rather wolfish grin._

 _Tony just grinned back at him, softly bumping his shoulder against Gibbs'. He was slowly feeling the alcohol and it washed away the sadness he had been feeling ever since Gibbs had told him he'd leave the team. He knew it was the right thing for Gibbs to do, knew that it was simply time, too, but the thought of not seeing the guy day in day out for the next couple of months almost physically hurt him._

" _But you're coming back, right?"_

" _Yeah, Tony, I promise."_

 _Tony nodded, suddenly mesmerized by the blue eyes right in front of him. When had he ever been so close to the other man? And why was that anyway?_

" _I'll come back for you."_

" _For me?" Tony checked back, sure that he had just misheard his boss. He had only whispered after all._

 _But Gibbs just nodded before he took another sip from his bourbon. He then rubbed a hand over his face, sighing loudly. His knee unintentionally rubbed against Tony's and the younger man couldn't help but continue to stare at him. Something was different about Gibbs today, he couldn't put the finger on it just yet, but he was sure he'd find out soon._

 _The thought of Gibbs coming back for him had Tony feeling all flustered inside. He knew that there were some feelings for Gibbs on his side, there always had been, but NCIS rules, hell Gibbs' rules, had strictly forbidden even harboring these feelings, so he had always pushed them aside. Now, though, in the light of Gibbs retiring, they had reared their ugly heads and Tony wasn't quite sure if he could keep them inside, especially if the man kept on looking at him like that._

##

"Earth to Tony," Abby's voice brought him back to the present.

"Sorry," he replied, turning to look at her, cursing himself as his arm brushed against Gibbs' in the course – he had wanted to keep his distance.

"Where were you just now?" the Goth followed up.

"Nothing," answered Tony, "just thinking. This is nice."

"It is," McGee chimed in. "Any chance of this happening again?"

"Yeah," Gibbs, to Tony's surprise, immediately answered. "I'm going to be around, don't worry."

"Nice," McGee, clearly surprised, too, said, and then fist-bumped Abby over the table.

"Are you sure, my dear Jethro, that you want to have our never-ceasing babbling around you?" Ducky asked now, a soft and fond smile appearing on his lips.

"Yeah," Gibbs replied indignantly. "I'm not the boss anymore and I like to cook out. That's what I came back for after all."

Tony abruptly turned to stare at him again feeling like he'd been dipped into ice-cold water, but Gibbs seemed to be unaware of his inner turmoil as he kept on chatting (chatting!) with Ducky. This afternoon was really shaping up to be an incredibly stupid joke. Tony couldn't believe it. Everything that he believed in, everything that had kept him going this last year was suddenly being pulled from him. How could Gibbs say that? When only twelve months ago he had said the same thing to Tony? The same thing and yet so entirely different…

 _So it really had meant nothing to Gibbs. All of it just didn't._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews! :)_

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

Tony drowned out the conversation completely. He was eating his burger, trying to get his heartbeat under control. He knew he should be glad that Gibbs wouldn't be a stranger in the foreseeable future, but relief still didn't settle in. He hated it, hated that Gibbs would stay for the others. Tony knew it was stupid and unfair. Gibbs cared as much for Abby and Ducky as he did for him and yet it felt like a betrayal to him. After everything that had happened – hadn't Tony deserved to get more from the older man?

"Isn't that exciting?" Abby's voice brought him back to the present once more.

"Huh?" Tony just answered, earning himself a slight frown from Abby and a raised eyebrow from Gibbs.

"That Gibbs was in Puerto Rico. It's your favorite country after all."

"Yeah, I guess," Tony just shrugged.

Tony had long known that Gibbs had been there, he'd received a few postcards over the last months from the other man. He had been pleasantly surprised by each one of them. It wasn't like Gibbs had offered much info about his trip, but it had shown Tony that the older man had thought about him from time to time and that was really everything he had needed to know. He also knew that Abby hadn't gotten any, she would have said something, that much was sure. Maybe it meant that he was still special – at least a bit.

Tony was startled out of his thoughts once again as Victoria climbed over Gibbs' lap to sit on the younger man's. Trying to make sure she wouldn't fall, Gibbs guided her towards him, his arm brushing against Tony's once again. Tony turned his head ever so slightly, still being mindful of the little girl and for a moment he was able to look into those blue eyes again that he had missed so much over the last year. Gibbs steadily stared back at him before he withdrew his hand from Victoria, but instead of pulling it towards himself, it settled on Tony's knee. It was warm and comfy and it felt so right that Tony, for a moment, completely forgot that he was mad at the guy, that he had been devastated only a moment before.

He quickly looked around, but no one seemed to have noticed the unusual occurrence. Not even Victoria, who was now softly pulling at Tony's short hair. He tried to give her his whole attention, but Gibbs' hand was too much, too unexpected, too confusing for Tony to just forget about it. He looked at the older man again and he received a slight smile in return.

##

 _Tony checked his watch and realized with a start that it was already one o'clock at night. Where had the time gone? And hadn't Gibbs said he'd turn in early because he planned to ship out at six in the morning? Trying not to follow up on this particular train of thought, Tony took another sip from the bourbon (they had switched from beer to the liquor hours ago) and felt it run down his throat. At least it didn't burn anymore…_

" _So, you're going to be okay with the team lead, right?" Gibbs asked, leaning back against the backrest of his couch, his arm outstretched over it, so that his hand was mere inches away from the back of Tony's head._

" _Sure. I'd rather have you there, though."_

" _I know," Gibbs replied softly, nodding slightly. "I just can't do it anymore."_

" _I know," Tony echoed his former boss. "I know."_

" _I'm glad you understand."_

" _Always have and always will," Tony said now, leaning back, too._

 _He felt slightly startled when Gibbs didn't pull back his arm, instead let Tony rest on it. After a few moments of silence, Tony could feel Gibbs playing with the hair on the back of his head. He gulped audibly, trying to get rid of the sudden fire that had started to burn within him._

" _If you keep this up…" Tony started before he could stop himself, suddenly realizing that he must be mighty drunk if he let something like that slip, but Gibbs had been pushing the boundaries of his resolve and sanity the whole night._

" _Then what?" Gibbs replied and he suddenly moved closer, his face mere inches away from Tony's._

" _Then…" Tony started, not knowing what had gotten into him all of a sudden, but Gibbs was so close, he could see every single lash of his eye lashes, could smell the bourbon on his breath. "Then, I'll have to break a promise I gave myself fourteen years ago."_

" _And that would be?" Gibbs whispered now, coming impossibly closer now._

" _That I'd never do this," Tony replied and then, without a second thought, closed the small gap between their lips and kissed him._

 _Whenever he had thought about kissing the older man over the last couple of years, he had always imagined it to be rough and full of lust, but this one was almost soft and tentative. Gibbs was kissing him back, though, opening up to him as Tony sought to explore the kiss even further with his tongue. All of it felt right, felt like they had been doing this for years and yet everything about it was so new that Tony could feel his heartbeat in his ears._

 _He didn't know how long they sat there on the couch, hands roaming over each other's backs, never quite settling anywhere, still kissing, when Gibbs drew back. He stared at Tony for a moment or two, the eyes boring into the younger man's, before a soft smile started to spread on his face._

" _I know you're leaving tomorrow," Tony finally said, feeling the stare start to make him uncomfortable. "But… I don't… I needed to do this."_

" _Glad you did," Gibbs replied and before Tony could even breathe in once, his lips were on his again, this time with much more force than before._

 _Tony let him this time and Gibbs pressed against him, urging him to lie down on the couch and Tony was far beyond resisting by now. When he felt Gibbs weight upon him, his arm came around the other man's body on their own account. Finding the hem of Gibbs' shirt, Tony finally found the skin underneath it. Gibbs felt like he was on fire and with a sudden realization, Tony noticed, he was, too. He tried to get more comfortable, tried to get more access to the man on top of him, but his hand was stopped by the backrest of the couch. Tony wiggled ever so slightly, trying to get more space. He heard Gibbs groan and only then realized that his movement had caused friction, as he could feel the other man's hard dick rub against his thigh._

 _Tony broke the kiss once again, smiling up at Gibbs who looked absolutely delicious with his slightly ruffled hair and the lust-filled eyes._

" _Can we move this upstairs?" Tony finally asked, realizing that they were probably too old for the couch anyway._

" _Yeah," was all Gibbs said before he got up from the couch, taking Tony's hand and all but dragged him up the stairs._

 _Tony felt himself get pushed on top of the bed mere seconds later and before he could even wrap his mind around the fact that it was Gibbs who did all these things to him, the other man shed first his shirt and then his pants. Tony watched him in awe, the soft glow from the streetlamp across the street giving Gibbs an almost mysterious touch. Tony felt his cock give a violent lurch as it became impossibly harder._

" _You sure you want to?" Gibbs asked, still standing right next to the bed, not yet touching Tony._

" _Yeah. Wanted it for years."_

" _Okay," Gibbs nodded, a smile once more spreading on his face. "Okay."_

 _Gibbs moved atop of Tony, straddling his thighs. He quickly pinned Tony's arms to the mattress over his head and kissed him hard, driving his tongue between Tony's parted lips. God, Gibbs smelled so_ good _. He moved against him now, rolled his hips so that their cocks stroked together even through the fabric of Tony's jeans that were uncomfortably tight by now._

" _Off," Gibbs mumbled against Tony's ear and he still managed to make it sound like an order before he pushed off of him, giving Tony the chance to comply his wish._

 _He stripped in record time and mere moments later Gibbs was on top of him again, kissing him and rocking against him. Their dicks rubbed against each other again and Tony couldn't help but let out a startled groan. Gibbs reached down between them and then took both of their erections into his hand, rubbing it up and down._

" _God," Gibbs groaned as Tony parted his legs, hoping that the older man would get the clue. "You sure?"_

" _Oh yes," Tony just managed to say as desire shot through him._

 _Shamelessly, he pulled his knees back, spreading himself open, giving Gibbs the access he needed. With another look as if to make sure that Tony was really sure, Gibbs let go of their cocks and then moved ever so slightly to reach the nightstand and retrieved a bottle of lube, spreading it generously on his fingers. He then slid down between his parted thighs and then moved forward, tracing the cut of his groin with an impossible hot mouth and tongue. Tony's finger toyed and pinched his own nipples, working the nubs into hard, sensitive peaks as he could feel one of Gibbs' fingers enter him._

 _He let out a groan and was slightly surprised when Gibbs added another finger only seconds after it. He groaned again, taking a deep breath as he let the pain pass and pleasure settle in. Gibbs apparently got the clue and started moving his fingers inside of him gently, while his mouth was suddenly closing around the tip of Tony's cock. His tongue worked Tony's leaking slit, his fingers moved in and out of Tony as the younger man hissed in pleasure. God, where had the guy learned_ that _?_

" _Keep doing that and I'm going to come," Tony pressed out as a groan coming deep from his chest interrupted him when Gibbs touched the exact right spot with his fingers. "I'd rather come with you in me."_

" _Oh yeah?" Gibbs just replied as he kept on finger fucking him, but slowed down the teasing with his tongue at the same time._

 _After a few more moments, he finally drew back his fingers, causing Tony to whimper at the sudden loss. He grabbed for the nightstand again, retrieving a condom. He hurriedly unwrapped it, carelessly throwing the wrapper away before he rolled it onto his shaft and then added more lube. Tony just watched him, thinking that he could come from just watching the other man rubbing his own cock._

 _However, Gibbs apparently had other plans as he moved again and Tony sucked in a breath as the other man's cock pressed hard against his hole, squeezing mercilessly into the muscle. He only just held back a moan as the burning ache subsided even as Gibbs bottomed out. The older man held still for a moment, letting him adjust, but then started to move when Tony locked his ankles in the small of his back to hold him even closer. He leaned forward, palms just above Tony's shoulders and began moving in long easy strokes. His lips moved from Tony's lips to his collarbone and back up his neck, drawing needy groans from the younger man._

 _Tony's hands started to roam Gibbs' sides and then his back to draw him even closer just as Gibbs picked up the pace a little. And just then, Gibbs' angle was perfect and Tony felt himself starting to lose control as Gibbs had moved again to kiss him again._

" _Oh fuck," he breathed, ripping away his lips to catch some desperately needed air. "I'm coming."_

 _He let out a strangely strangled cry as the orgasm hit him almost without warning and he clutched at Jethro as he shuddered and stiffened, shooting his cum onto both his and Gibbs' stomachs. God, he'd come without even having been touched. The older man just stared at him for a long moment before he continued to thrust into him. Tony could tell he was close, too, judging from the uneven rhythm Gibbs was now setting. He sped up again and then came with a shout of Tony's name as he gave one last thrust._

 _They cleaned up afterwards and Tony couldn't quite suppress the jitters as Gibbs slipped beneath the covers, motioning him to do the same. He followed suit and was then slightly surprised when Gibbs immediately moved to spoon up against him._

 _Tony wanted to say something, wanted to tell the older man just how much it had meant to him, just how much he wanted him to stay, hell, he just wanted to tell him that everything was perfect now, but he was too worn out to even form the words. Gibbs' arm had gone heavy on his stomach and Tony realized with a start that he had already fallen asleep._

 _Slightly smiling to himself, Tony, too, closed his eyes, letting sleep wash over him. He could still talk to him tomorrow. They could still hash out a plan then. And he could still tell him he loved him over breakfast._

 _In the morning, however, Tony woke up to an empty bed and house._

 _Gibbs was gone._

 _##_

Tony was still staring at the other man when Victoria pulled at his hair too hard.

"Ouch," he let out, turning to look at the girl again. "Don't."

"Apologize to Tony," Breena cut off any reply from the little girl.

"Sorry," she said sincerely, slightly turning red in the face as she looked at him with big eyes.

"It's okay, honey. Just don't do it again."

She nodded and then got lifted off Tony's lap by her dad.

Tony felt cold all of a sudden and realized that it wasn't Victoria's warmth he was missing. Gibbs had apparently withdrawn his hand as Jimmy had reached over to get his daughter. He looked at him again and then felt anger and love rush over him at the same time. Gibbs was openly staring back at him and Tony's thoughts immediately went back to that night they shared together and at the same time that goddamn condom wrapper up in Gibbs' bedroom was showing up in his mind again.

What in the world was the guy playing at? And why did Tony even let him?


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thanks again for the reviews! You guys are great!_

* * *

 ** _Chapter Four_**

The others had already left the table, had carried their plates inside and had resumed their talk in groups scattered around the garden when Tony finally got moving, too. He had pretended being busy eating his food and had shrugged off Abby's inquiry about what was up with him. He knew that he had to get a grip. He couldn't just sit there the whole day without the others getting suspicious and that was the last thing he wanted. He had too many questions himself to answer any of the others'. So he finally stood up and walked inside.

He looked around, remembering the last time he had been there.

##

 _Still feeling his eyes sting, Tony made the bed, put back the bottle of lube into the nightstand and threw away the condom. Picking up the rest of the trash along with it, he looked around once more, still not believing that Gibbs had just left him there. The bedroom, however, was spotless. At least one thing was._

 _He knew that he should just leave, too. This wasn't his house after all. The bastard even deserved having his house unlocked for months, but yet some oddly misplaced sense of respect and care for the other guy made Tony clean up anyway._

 _He had looked everywhere for the man only to realize that he really was gone – as was his bag, making it certain that he had really left for his boat trip. He had left and now Tony was there taking out the trash and locking up the house behind him. He knew where Gibbs had stashed a key to his front door, so Tony locked the door and then pocketed the key. Maybe he would have to check up on the house during the period that Gibbs was gone._

 _Was he even coming back?_

 _Tony wasn't sure. He hadn't left a note for him, hadn't written him a message, hadn't called him. Why in the world would he do that? Tony just didn't understand. He had been sure that Gibbs would go on his trip no matter what, had known that one night with Tony wouldn't change his plan and he had understood. Hell, he had even wanted him to take a break from everything. But had the guy to be so goddamn cold? He could have woken him up, could have said… just something._

 _But there had been nothing. Literally nothing. As far as Tony was concerned this one night hadn't even meant anything to Gibbs. Deep down he knew that it was nonsense. Deep down he knew that the older man wouldn't do anything like that if he just wanted to get his rocks off. And yet it all felt so wrong now._

 _Tony had been invested in the man for so long, had been in love with him for almost thirteen years and right when he finally got what he had wanted, Gibbs just left like that._

 _Tony shook his head and started the engine of his car, pulling out of the driveway. With one last glance, he looked at the house, trying to suppress the upwelling tears and then drove away, swearing to himself that he wouldn't freak out over it for only one second._

 _Gibbs would surely call… right?_

 _##_

"Hey."

Tony turned around and was slightly startled when Gibbs just stood there, casually leaning against the frame of the door that led into the kitchen. Even now, Tony couldn't help but find the man attractive. His hair had grown out a bit, the Marine hairdo long gone and his skin was darker, the sun obviously having done its work on the other man. He really looked good – healthy, too and he also seemed more balanced than Tony could ever remember.

Stark contrast to himself, then.

"Hey," he gave back, lacking anything smarter to say.

"Can we talk?"

Tony just stared at him, subtly shaking his head. "Talk?" he checked back incredulously. "You want to talk?"

Gibbs continued to stand there, furrowing a brow, his eyes staring intently at Tony. "Yeah."

"Now?" Tony asked, still feeling like he was in an alternate universe. _Gibbs_ wanted to talk.

"Later. Too much going on right now."

"Okay," the younger man answered, slightly disappointed because he wasn't really sure whether he really wanted to wait, whether he really could wait any longer.

He walked by the other man into the kitchen, setting the plate down onto the counter. He heard Gibbs move and drew in a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face. Why did the man do that to him all the time?

He turned around and then nearly ran into Gibbs who had apparently not moved to leave the kitchen but to get closer to Tony.

"Are we alright?" Gibbs finally said only above a whisper, which in itself was such a weird thing for Gibbs to do that it unsettled Tony more than what had actually been said.

"I don't know. Are we?" he asked, feeling himself getting pissed again.

Why was it so hard to grasp for the guy that leaving like he did was not a normal thing for people to do?

"I hoped so."

"You hoped so?" Tony replied, only just avoiding shouting into the other man's face. "You hoped we're alright? You leave me without a word and then get back here like nothing ever happened? What do you expect, Gibbs?"

"I…" Gibbs started, clearly surprised by Tony's outburst. He casted a quick glance around as if to make sure that no one was within earshot. "I've sent you postcards."

Tony stared at him, not believing what he had just heard. What did these goddamn postcards have to do with anything? Then, the penny slowly dropped. That bastard…

"Yeah, you sent me postcards," he finally started, his voice rising. "That's it. Postcards, Gibbs. You could've called, written an email or god forbid, you could've stayed that morning. Could've woken me up and _talk_ to me. But you chose to leave and to send me fucking _postcards_! _"_

Tony knew he was shouting but he didn't care. Didn't care what the others might hear, what Gibbs was thinking. He was in fact pretty sure that he didn't even want to know what the older man was thinking if in his mind sending postcards was good enough after a night like that.

"Tony," Gibbs replied now, even more quietly than before. "I…"

"Ah, there you are," Ducky's voice interrupted their conversation as the man himself stepped into the kitchen, apparently unaware of what was going on.

"Yeah," Gibbs said, stepping away from Tony as he turned around.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to take Anthony up on his offer to take me home. I'm afraid I'm not quite up for so many people just yet."

"Sure," Tony answered, giving the old man a smile. "No problem, I'll just get my keys."

He stepped around the two men, looking around for where he had left his keys as he heard Ducky continue by saying, "Not as fit as I thought I would be. I'm sorry, Jethro."

"It's alright, Duck," Gibbs almost softly answered. "There will be other times. You just try to get back up on your feet. And don't even think about work. I've been told Palmer's doing fantastically."

"He is," Ducky answered and Tony was able to hear the obvious pride in his voice. "He is."

Ducky then said his goodbyes and soon Tony and he were sitting in Tony's car on their way to the ME's home. For some reason, Ducky had been quiet for the most part of their drive and Tony was glad about that as it gave him the chance to cool down somewhat. The nerve Gibbs was having…

"Thank you, Tony."

"You're welcome. No problem," Tony replied when he stopped in front of Ducky's house.

"And try to cheer up a bit, will you?"

Tony stared at the older man with wide eyes before he realized that the older man had literally walked into a very one-sided shouting match between Gibbs and him.

"Not that easy," he finally answered before letting out a sigh. "Not that easy."

"Jethro never is," Ducky replied thoughtfully but with a slight smile on his lips. "He usually needs more time to figure out stuff about himself. As quick as he was in the field, as slow is he when it comes to his personal life. It took him over a year to figure out that he wanted to leave NCIS, my dear Tony. Can you imagine how long it'll take him to realize that postcards aren't the right way to tell you he cares?"

"What…?" Tony said, feeling warmth rise in his face.

What in the world had Ducky heard? And how in the world did he suddenly know what it even was about?

"Don't worry. None of the others even has a clue. I just know because you weren't exactly whispering before. I'm quite sorry for eavesdropping like that, but it wasn't my attention, I assure you. Just wanted to make sure that neither of you two would say something you'd regret later."

"Ducky, I…" Tony started but was cut off by the older man again.

"You don't have to explain anything. It's surely none of my business. Just make sure you'll sort things out. Just be a bit more patient with him, will you?"

"Okay," Tony nodded, feeling once again as if he was still dreaming this up.

"Good. It'll be worth it." Ducky replied, slowly getting out of the car.

Tony sat there for a moment, watching him walk up the short driveway up to his house, wondering how everyone seemed to know more about his life than he did himself.

Maybe, just maybe, he'd really just needed to make Gibbs see sense. Or maybe, just maybe, he'd really just needed to make himself see sense. He wasn't quite sure which one it was, but he'd find out eventually.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Sorry for the slight delay on this one, a vacation in Italy came up veeeeeery suddenly ;-) Anyway, thank you for reading and reviewing! :) Hope you like the next part, too!_

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

Tony had toyed with the idea of just going home after dropping Ducky off, but he realized that it would just prolong the inevitable. Besides, Gibbs had offered to talk and Tony would hear him out. Ducky had been right, maybe it was just a strange kind of logic that had made Gibbs act the way he did.

But it didn't mean that Tony wasn't angry anymore because he sure as hell was. And he'd tell the man so.

When he arrived at Gibbs' house, he realized that there was another car parking in front of it. It was Fornell's. Slightly grinning despite himself, he suddenly noticed that he had actually missed the guy. They had met occasionally on a case over the year but had somehow never really had a chance to catch up. Maybe he'd have him distracted for a little while, then.

Tony walked around the house and was immediately greeted by Emily. She seemed more of an adult in comparison to when he had last seen her and with a pang of sudden awareness it occurred to him how much it must hurt Gibbs to see her grow up when he had never had the chance to with his own daughter. Subtly shaking his head, wondering why he kept on making excuses for the other man, he approached Emily.

"Long time no see," she said to him, smiling broadly at him. "Shame Uncle Gibbs wasn't around for so long."

"You got it," gave back Tony, searching for the subject of their conversation and finally finding him by the barbecue again, talking to Emily's dad. "How you been?"

"I'm fine," Emily said and Tony looked at her, knowing only too well what it meant having a mum dying, but Emily did indeed seem to be relatively fine. "You, however," she added, giving him a lopsided grin, "have looked better."

"Gee, thanks," Tony replied good-naturedly, knowing that she didn't really mean it after all. "I'm getting old."

"Nah, dad's old."

"Hey!" Fornell's voice traveled across the garden. "I've heard that!"

"Well, you are!" Tony shouted back and then started to walk towards the other man who looked an odd mixture of being offended and amused at the same time.

They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries for a while and with sudden wonder Tony realized that they had somehow gotten friends over the years, too. Maybe, he thought, he could have talked to him about the Gibbs situation this past year. The thought of it sounded ridiculous and yet Tony suddenly felt like he could have talked to him nonetheless - for some reason.

"What have you done to Grumpy over there?" Fornell finally asked, tilting his head a fraction towards Gibbs.

"What…" Tony spluttered, "What do you mean?"

"Barely uttered a word since we got here. Not that he ever talks much to me, but he _likes_ Emily – still no more than two words - and when I asked where you were he actually flushed. So, again, what have you done to him?"

"Nothing," Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair, feeling himself start to sweat again and the heat had nothing to do with it this time. "I didn't do a thing."

Fornell cocked his head, looking at Tony a little more closely, and then he nodded once. "He's the bastard, huh?"

"I didn't say that," Tony started to contradict, but Fornell just held up a hand.

"I guess he didn't call?"

"Wh-What?"

Tony stared at the older man, feeling his heart sink. Did he know? Did he actually know? And if so, why had Gibbs called _Fornell_ and not him for heaven's sake?

"Don't overestimate him, DiNozzo," Tobias continued. "He doesn't call. Hasn't even called for Em's birthday. Not likely he'd call just to ask how work is. You know him."

Tony let out a breath, trying to get his heartbeat under control. For god's sake, he needed to speak to Gibbs because all these thoughts and accusations were driving him crazy – especially since he didn't have a clue what was reality and what wasn't.

"Except," Fornell interrupted his thoughts as he raised an eyebrow. "You didn't want him to call you because of work."

Tony rubbed a hand over his face, trying to look at the older man in an attempt to lie believably to him, but once again Fornell was quicker.

"Don't have to say no more. None of my business."

With that, he walked away, joining Emily in entertaining little Victoria and leaving Tony standing there wondering if he really was that obvious. He watched the little girl play gleefully with her toys for a while before he almost involuntarily turned to look at Gibbs. Startled, he saw that Gibbs stared right back at him a speculative look on his face. They stood like that for a few moments, just staring at each other before Tony averted his glance and without another word walked into the house, knowing that Gibbs would follow.

And indeed, when he sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, he could see Gibbs walk towards him and sit down, too. Tony scrutinized the other man for a moment or two, realizing that he really did look a bit grumpy, but that wasn't quite it. He looked sad.

Had Tony done that?

"I'm sorry, Gibbs," Tony finally started.

"What for?"

"I…," Tony answered, but then realized that he didn't even know.

How did it all get so messed up? Why did it seem like they could never get things right? But then he realized that for once, it really wasn't his fault. He wasn't the one that was supposed to say sorry. Like he had told Fornell before, he hadn't done a thing. This was all on Gibbs.

Anger welled up inside of him, but he still didn't talk, couldn't even because he knew that it would just come out the wrong way. Ducky had been right before. One wrong word and everything would go to hell – and yet he knew that they really needed to talk.

The postcards… In Gibbs' strange way they had maybe meant more than Tony had realized. It still wasn't enough, though. Not by a long shot.

"You thought sending me a postcard every other week would do what exactly?" he finally started over, knowing that Gibbs would never make the first step.

"I wanted to…" Gibbs replied averting his glance to look at his hands instead, gone was the false bravado. "Show you that I…" he trailed off again, making Tony only angrier.

"You do realize that normal people talk to each other from time to time, right?" Tony said, almost painfully trying to keep his voice from rising.

"Tony," Gibbs interrupted him, his voice suddenly sounding much more confident than before and Tony had no clue why that was. "I thought they'd show you that I cared… that I was thinking of you."

Tony stared at him for a long moment before he nodded. He had known _that_ after all.

"It wasn't enough," Tony replied quietly, feeling the anger rush from him in an instant at the honest look in Gibbs' eyes. "It's not enough."

"Would it be enough if I told you that I wasn't just thinking about you whenever I wrote a postcard… I thought about you all the goddamn time I was out there."

"You… you did?" Tony checked back absolutely flabbergasted.

It all didn't make any sense. Gibbs didn't make any sense…

"It was like my mind wouldn't shut up about you. I'd see a hideous Hawaii-shirt and thought that you'd like it. Or I'd see a movie poster in one of the seaports and wonder if you'd watch that."

"Then why didn't you call?"

"I was afraid of it."

Tony gulped and then couldn't help but stare at the older man once more. He didn't know what to say, didn't even know how in the world Gibbs even _could_ be afraid of anything, let alone of picking up the phone.

"Why?"

"I was afraid that if I'd talk to you, I'd just turn around and come back straight here."

"Would that have been so bad?" Tony asked, feeling his heart sink.

Silence. Then -

"Tony, I needed this break. Not from you, but from everything else. I'd have just fallen back into old habits. I'd have thought about NCIS and if it wasn't the wrong idea to leave. I needed this."

"I knew all of that, Gibbs," Tony cut in, still not quite tracking what Gibbs was trying to tell him. "I wouldn't have told you to come home."

"Then I don't know why you're so angry now."

Tony did a double take, making sure that Gibbs wasn't just playing a very elaborate and unfunny prank on him, but the other man seemed sincere. Did he really not know? Did he really think that Tony was that stupid to just take it at face value?

"Because, goddamn it Gibbs, you can't just leave like that and then don't even call. Not if it meant anything to you."

"It meant everything to me," Gibbs replied more loudly, matching Tony's voice. "It meant the fucking world to me. I thought you knew that."

Tony sat back in his chair, feeling his heart pick up pace again. Was Gibbs really just telling him what he had wanted to hear so desperately over the year? And why was he still not feeling good about it?

"I didn't know," he finally replied in only above a whisper. "How was I supposed to know that?"

"Because you know me. You know that I wouldn't have done any of it if I didn't have any… feelings for you."

 _Oh._

Tony didn't say anything, simply because he had no idea what he was supposed to say to _that_. Had Gibbs really just told him that he had feelings for him? And why was that so hard to believe? The guy had slept with him and still Tony found it hard to trust his words.

With a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach, he realized why that was.

"If it really meant so much to you," he finally started, his voice sounding cold even to his own ears and judging from the way Gibbs shifted ever so slightly in his chair, he had heard it, too. "Then why did you come home yesterday and decide to fuck someone else?"

He could almost feel surrender settle within the other man as he apparently realized that he was being figured out. The condom wrapper up in Gibbs' bedroom was testimony of his lies after all. And while a little shred of doubt, a desperate little part of Tony's brain wanted to believe that he was only imagining it, Tony knew what guilt looked like.

It looked exactly like what he could see in Gibbs' blue eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favorites! Here's the last chapter of this little story! Hope you like it!_

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

Tony felt his insides freeze when Gibbs stayed quiet for a moment. The older man did, however, not avert his glance from him. Instead he looked right back at him, his brows slightly furrowed.

"What are you talking about?" he finally checked back and he suddenly sounded genuinely confused, which in turn made Tony feel puzzled inside, too.

"I saw it, Gibbs, when I went to change pants. You forgot to take the trash out."

"What trash?" Gibbs said and it seemed like he wanted to reach out a hand towards Tony's but then refrained after all.

"The condom wrapper, Gibbs. In your bedroom. It's right there on your nightstand."

Gibbs stayed silent for a moment or two and Tony felt sudden sickness wash over him as he realized that the older man apparently didn't have anything to say to that. So he really did have sex with someone else last night. With someone else and not Tony…

"I… I don't know what you're talking about," Gibbs finally said and if Tony didn't know that he had always been an excellent liar, he would have believed him.

"Don't play dumb on me. You've slept upstairs, too. You never do that."

"Tony," Gibbs started again and there suddenly was urgency in his voice that made Tony relax for some reason. "I slept up there because… because I hoped… I… anyway… I didn't have sex last night."

"Right and why would I believe you?"

"I… I swear, Tony. I slept up there because I hoped that maybe," Gibbs broke off for a moment as if to search for the right words before he continued even more awkwardly. "That maybe… It would still smell like you. That's the only reason."

"And the condom?" Tony asked but he couldn't help but fell himself get slightly less angry, less anxious.

"I don't know… Tony, I promise. Maybe it's still the one we used…?"

Tony blinked and then sat back in his chair. He tried to remember if he had actually thrown away the wrapper, too, in the morning after, but he couldn't actually remember it. He'd been crying, had hurried to get out of there and all… Was it possible? Was it really possible he had worked himself up over nothing? Still… Didn't it work out too conveniently?

"Tony, please."

Tony looked at the older man again and then felt the resolve not to trust the guy fade away. He was looking at him with a begging expression on his face and it wasn't just that that made Tony feel better. It was the sheer panic that seemed to radiate from Gibbs. Panic that he might lose this argument, panic that he might lose more than that, too.

"Why did you look so guilty before, then?" Tony finally asked in barely above a whisper.

"Not because I cheated on you," Gibbs said and Tony felt his stomach make a jolt at the sheer statement as he realized that Gibbs might actually be committed to him, otherwise he wouldn't have used cheated, would he? "But because I didn't call you last night. Or before that. I should have told you to come over last night to talk things out. I just didn't realize that we needed to. And I'm sorry for that. Really, I'm sorry."

Tony let out a breath but said nothing for a few moments. He needed them to collect himself, needed them to realize that Gibbs had actually apologized, needed them to realize that he actually believed the man, too. He felt it in the depths of his heart and he finally nodded. He watched Gibbs lean back against the backrest of the chair and breathe out.

"So, we're good?" the older man finally asked, apparently felling slightly edgy due to the silence, and Tony almost chuckled at that particular thought.

"No," Tony replied and he saw Gibbs stiffen up again, so he hurried to continue. "We're not good. But we're on the same track. I mean I want it – us – if you still want it. But I'm not over you not calling and then showing up here and playing it coy with me all afternoon."

"I'm sorry," Gibbs said again but Tony just shook his head.

"I know," he gave him a tentative smile. "I know you're sorry. And you should be. And I'm sorry for assuming you'd call. I probably should have known that, too. But you know…"

"Stop," Gibbs interrupted him, but his voice was so soft that Tony felt the last tiny bit of reluctance inside of him fade away. "No… you're right. I should have called and just because I'm good on my own doesn't mean that you'd be, too. I mean you obviously did well for yourself. The team is your team now and I'm happy it worked out. You deserve that. And you deserve somebody that looks after you, too. So I should have called and not just take what had happened for granted."

"Wow," Tony replied, grinning ever so slightly. "So many broken rules."

"I'm not at work anymore, Tony. They don't matter anymore."

"That's right," Tony replied and then reached out his hand and was relieved when Gibbs did the same.

He let his hand slip into Gibbs' and immediately felt the rightness of it once more. Just like that night when it all happened. This was just it. They fit and Tony was sure that Gibbs knew it, too. Maybe he shouldn't have doubted him like this.

They stayed like that for a few minutes with Tony absent-mindedly rubbing his thumb over Gibbs' hand. They didn't talk, just looked at each other and the younger man finally realized that it really would work out. He had no idea how they wanted to play it, how they would go on, but he knew that it would work, knew that everything was going to be okay.

"What can I do?" Gibbs finally asked into the silence, causing Tony to give him another smile.

"What do you mean?"

"To make you forgive me."

"No clue," Tony replied, but kept his tone light. "Just take me out to dinner sometime, okay?"

"I can do that."

"And promise me that you'll never pull something like this again."

"I don't think I'll go on another boat trip again. So that's easy."

"Not even with me?" Tony checked back and felt Gibbs squeeze his hand.

"That could be arranged," and now Gibbs was openly smiling at him. "I'd like that."

"Cool," he said and then stood up.

Gibbs did the same and then they stood face to face. Tony felt the long forgotten jitters inside of him again and for a fleeting moment he thought about why that was. What was so special about Gibbs?

"Hey Gibbs?" he finally continued.

"Think you should be calling me Jethro."

"Okay," Tony replied, moving even closer. "So, Jethro. Mind if I kiss you?"

"Nope."

And then they kissed.

Just like the last year hadn't happened. Just like the last four hours of agonizing over essentially nothing hadn't happened. They were right where they had left off. Back with each other. And this time, Tony wouldn't wait for the next morning to tell him. Wouldn't take anything for granted. When they broke apart, however, Gibbs beat him to talking.

"I love you."

Tony just stared at him, feeling like something had just locked into place for him. He'd been happy this past year, even with Gibbs being gone. He'd finally come to enjoy his life like he never had, but now that Gibbs had said it, he knew what had been missing until now.

Just this.

From a distance he heard Victoria giggle and Jimmy laugh, he heard Abby talk to Ellie and this was just suddenly it. He had everything he ever wanted right here, right now. Sure, he'd lost people along the way and each and every one of them had hurt him, would hurt him for all his life, would make him sad for all his life, but this was as good as it would ever get. He knew that.

"I love you, too."

##

"Thanks for the invite," Abby said as he hugged Gibbs goodbye a couple of hours later and Tony could see their long shadows on the green grass in Gibbs' garden. "I really hope we can get together like that again."

"I'm planning on it," Gibbs just replied, yawning ever so slightly.

"Good man."

Gibbs just grunted and then went to pick up Victoria from the ground to say goodbye to her. Tony watched them in awe from where he was standing as he let McGee's chatter wash over him. It had gotten rather late and he realized that he couldn't wait to have Gibbs for himself.

"So, what did you like best today?" Gibbs now asked Victoria.

"The ice-cream," she giggled and clapped her hands. "And you kissing Uncle Tony."

"What?" Jimmy said, chuckling ever so slightly. "I'm not sure that happened, honey," he continued as he took her from Gibbs' arms to take her to the car.

He was still chuckling when he turned around and caught Tony's eyes for a split of a second before Tony looked away, redirecting his eyes to Jethro. He had grown slightly pink in the face but besides that didn't seem to be too fazed about it. Why hadn't they heard the little girl sneaking up on them earlier?

Jimmy, apparently having realized something was going on, stopped grinning as he looked from Tony to Gibbs and then back to Tony. The others had suddenly grown silent, too.

"She imagined that, right?" he finally said, speaking out what everyone else was apparently thinking.

"Nah, she didn't," Gibbs said and Tony almost forgot to breathe at the sudden outing.

It was so silent you could hear a pin drop. It was like the world had come to a sudden halt. Tony didn't dare to look away from Gibbs, afraid of what the others might think, might say, but then -

"Well…," Jimmy said, smiling ever so slightly as he moved towards the small path that was leading around Gibbs' house. "Okay, then. Good for you."

Tony just let out a laugh and just like that the world started to spin again. He looked at the others and saw only smiles on their faces, so he relaxed and sent another grin in Gibbs' direction.

In the background he could see the sunset, but he felt like the sun had only just begun to rise for them.


End file.
